Innocence and Experience

Here's a quotation from Captain Andrew Exum's memoir of his 2003 combat tour in Afghanistan, *This Man's Army.*


We speak of innocence like it is something to be "lost" only in tragedy, something we should do our best to hold on to no matter what. But what if innocence is something to be shed as we get older and wiser, an outer layer of skin that protects us when we are young but ultimately keeps us from seeing the world as it is?

I no longer wander in the dark as I once did. I feel I know better what the world is really like having seen what I have seen, and I stand now ready to face its realities not out of ignorance but with a calloused knowledge.

***

I've sometimes had occasion to revisit the wisdom of my own youthful choice to follow the way of the Shaman rather than the way of the Warrior. God only knows how I got so smart so young -- or maybe it was just innocence, naivete, and a bit of dumb luck. And yet I still wonder: is it truly "superior" to live one's life seeking divine inspiration rather than cultivating personal courage, or to desire humility and inner peace rather than a glorious and triumphant victory over one's enemies? Is it better to become an empathetic yet imperfect healer than a ruthless and efficient killer?

Of course these are just stereotypes: soldiers are often deeply inspired by and devoted to a commitment to something larger than themselves, while clergy are often called to perform courageously in the face of overwhelming physical, emotional and spiritual danger. Both vocations require profound personal sacrifice, and flourish under proper discipline and leadership. Both professions have traditionally demanded service in faraway foreign lands, provided early, first-hand exposure to the grim reality of death, and are grounded in the principle that "the mission comes first." In addition to personal courage, military "values" include loyalty, duty, respect, honor, integrity, and selfless service. Can one possibly be a minister without these?

Yet military service is by necessity principally an occupation for young men; the physical demands of combat are simply too demanding for anyone else. Or perhaps it's just that they are too demanding for anyone, period, and that young men (especially those of a certain class or color) are considered the most sociological "expendable" and therefore most easily sacrificed to societally-sanctioned violence. Ministry, on the other hand (at least in my neck of the woods), is increasingly a second vocation for women "of a certain age," who perhaps are seeking a greater meaning and influence in their lives than they have known previously.

History is full of examples of individuals who have gone from soldiering to the priesthood (Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, being among the best known); off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone who went in the other direction. I'm sure they're out there somewhere -- although I suspect also there may have been "exigent circumstances."

But I ramble...and one of my new resolutions is to make shorter posts. So Amen and Huah! (or if you prefer, Jarhead, Ooh-Rah!) And go with God....